Usually, I write about how dissatisfied I am with myself and my life—always thinking about what I can do different and better. There are times when I am 100% content—when good and bad do not matter, those are the moments when everything “is.” I would love to have more of those moments, more time for simply taking it all in. I am learning to ask myself in the affirmative what’s good not what’s wrong. I am also learning to ask myself whether or not the activities I engage in are life giving or life draining, and if they are life draining, then what will I do to replenish my cup, when will I do it. I notice how often I drag myself through doing some intolerable activity begrudgingly but with determination and laser-sharp focus. When I am through I say, “Yes, now I can be myself.” But, for that time I am myself just not my best self. I do not want to put myself on hold or wait for special circumstances (just the right ones) to show up as my best self.
My best self may not always be happy or cheerful but it will always be
me being, operating in my best energy for that time. I notice how I’ll put off
time with friends or engagement to complete a task, say cleaning my apartment,
or work, or school. We call that responsibility, yes, but there are times when
limitations around chores can make way for social time or vice-versa. In other
words to balance out life draining with life giving opportunities. Life is
energy in motion and I am now very aware of how I exercise my energy and how
I replenish it. When I am better, I am better suited to be present with others,
and I am better positioned to show up in my best self. Our lives touch and
intersect like patterns on a quilt and when I am better hopefully the next
person I encounter: on the train, in my car, on the street, in the supermarket
will feel the effects and be better for it too.
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