Stuff I Write About

On last Thursday, I couldn't work. I tried to concentrate but couldn't. I was grasping at something, something I couldn't reach, and clamoring at something unseen. I felt the tension in my body and in my emotions, I was angry--but at what? On Thursday I updated my Linked-In profile, and I realized there were things missing, words and ideas I wanted to communicate. A story I wanted to tell that couldn't be seen from the sterile words I used to describe my professional career. So, I kept updating, and looking at other profiles, and I kept yearning, grasping as if my Linked-In profile would reveal a magic answer. Instead, what I found  was me...telling myself I was not good enough, not educated enough, didn't have enough experience in this area or another, I needed more training. All of this validating my fears and solidifying my unworthiness. Geez! It's clear now although it wasn't then. I don't have all of the answers, I likely never will. But Go...

I wrote this blog after watching a preview of the movie 12 Years a Slave. hosted by Sojourners Wednesday, October 9, 2013. It was an amazing movie, I wanted to record the personal impact it had upon me while my feelings were fresh and raw. I realized that it served as a catalyst in surprising ways. Ironically on yesterday, I checked my mail and in the box was a letter from Sojourner’s magazine--reminding me that it was time to “Renew.” How could they be so right? **************************************************************************** I woke up like any other day this morning but somehow I am different. Tonight I feel a lot of elements coming together and congealing like water droplets across a Teflon pan. For one thing, I learned that I am an organizer--it doesn't matter what I’m organizing or for what cause, it’s what I do. And, I haven’t done it in a while. For two, I have learned that life sometimes takes you full circle. You’ll find yourself at a crossroads that you onc...

Usually, I write about how dissatisfied I am with myself and my life—always thinking about what I can do different and better. There are times when I am 100% content—when good and bad do not matter, those are the moments when everything “is.” I would love to have more of those moments, more time for simply taking it all in. I am learning to ask myself in the affirmative what’s good not what’s wrong. I am also learning to ask myself whether or not the activities I engage in are life giving or life draining, and if they are life draining, then what will I do to replenish my cup, when will I do it. I notice how often I drag myself through doing some intolerable activity begrudgingly but with determination and laser-sharp focus. When I am through I say, “Yes, now I can be myself.” But, for that time I am myself just not my best self. I do not want to put myself on hold or wait for special circumstances (just the right ones) to show up as my best self. My best self may not always...